Elizabeth’s “I Swear to Do Better” Jar for Season 3 (through Episode 13):

$16

S03 E10 - TOW Rachel Quits

S03 E10 - TOW Rachel Quits

aka TOW Brown Birds, Brown Trees, and The Fear

OAD: 12/12/96

The Hanukkah Menoreo Martini / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

The Hanukkah Menoreo Martini / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

This week, Ross becomes an honorary Brown Bird when he accidentally takes an actual Brown Bird out of commission with his panache-filled backhand. To help her earn a prize trip to Space Camp, Ross starts selling Brown Bird cookies on her behalf.

The Brown Birds are an obvious take on the Girl Scouts (namely, Brownies), so we decided our signature beverage should do the same — take a Girl Scout-cookie inspired cocktail recipe and give it a Brown Bird spin…

Take a bite out of the full recipe here!

FOOD

Brown Bird cookies steal the show this week! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

Brown Bird cookies steal the show this week! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

COOKIES!

Cookies everywhere! Shortbread Santas, sugar-cookie Rudolphs, cream-filled Jesuses, Mint Treasures, and of course…

… coconutty Hanukkah Menoreos!

Poor Monica. She’s screwed.

FASHION

THE GIRLS (AND SARAH)

Rachel’s nubbins are out of control this week, not that we can blame her — she’s got The Fear! We’re in a full-throttle 90s disco revival, fashion-wise, with the girls all wearing wide collars and synthetic fabrics. Monica’s looking a bit clownish in her orange top and orange-and-green plaid pants, Phoebe’s donned her signature daisies, and Rachel’s interview and first-day outfits are great!

Brown Bird Sarah is the cutest of them all! She starts off in a Brown Bird uniform, then is downgraded to a Cat in the Hat t-shirt when Ross breaks her leg.

THE GUYS

We’ve only got a couple of points to make about the guys this week. Ross’s charcoal cashmere sweater almost makes up for his toxic assholeness this week, and Joey’s Southwest-ish sweater is inexplicably terrible.

FUN

BROWN BIRDS

Mae Whitman on FRIENDS / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

Mae Whitman on FRIENDS / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

Monica: You broke a little girl’s leg?

Yep. Ross was demonstrating the third “P” of championship racketball play — panache — and knocked a little girl down the stairs. The little girl is none other than Mae Whitman, child actor-turned-TV star. She plays Sarah, a little girl who’s selling Brown Bird cookies.

Monica can’t resist the pull of the Mint Treasure! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

Monica can’t resist the pull of the Mint Treasure! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

To try to make up for what he did, Ross agrees to sell the cookies on her behalf so that she has a shot at going to Space Camp. She’s got a terrible father who lets Ross visit (and take her away), so we appreciate his effort to make her dreams come true even more.

Things don’t go so well when Ross goes door to door, so he forces all of his friends to buy more than they want to. And he takes advantage of Monica’s weakness for Brown Bird cookies and basically becomes her drug dealer. Poor Monica tries to resist, but just can’t forego the Mint Treasures. Eventually, he cuts her off:

“You have cookie on your neck.” / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

“You have cookie on your neck.” / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

Ross: Monica, I’m cutting you off.

Monica: No. No, just, just, just a couple more boxes. It-it-it’s no big deal, all right, I’m-I’m cool. You gotta help me out with a couple more boxes!

Ross: Mon, look at yourself. You have cookie on your neck.

Kudos to the little girl who rightly called Ross a “scrud.” / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

Kudos to the little girl who rightly called Ross a “scrud.” / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

He then discovers his secret weapon — the munchies. Unfortunately, it’s not enough to beat the Brown Bird who gave her uniform to her 19-year-old sister, who ended up selling 2,000 boxes.

Not to be deterred, Ross, Chandler, and Joey create their own Space Camp for Sarah, covering the barcalounger in foil, putting planet stickers everywhere, and pretending to be aliens. Aside from the fact that THIS LITTLE GIRL’S FATHER LET HER GO TO A STRANGE MAN’S HOUSE, it’s pretty damn sweet.

Sarah Tuttle’s Very Own Space Camp! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

Sarah Tuttle’s Very Own Space Camp! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

BROWN TREES

NOOOOOOOOO!!! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

NOOOOOOOOO!!! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

Poor Phoebe. Joey’s selling Christmas trees and it’s really hard for her.

Phoebe: No, no, I am against innocent trees being cut down in their prime, and their, their corpses grotesquely dressed in like tinsel and twinkly lights. (to Joey) Hey, how do you sleep at night?

Joey: Well, I’m pretty tired from lugging the trees around all day.

Snow in a can! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

Snow in a can! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

She tries to be the bigger person and have an open mind, and goes to visit Joey at his job. Unfortunately, she witnesses… The Chipper.

Phoebe: Why, do I have a feeling that’s not as happy as it sounds? (Joey points out one going into the chipper to her, as this haunty, demonic music starts to play in the background) No! Nooooo!!!

Surprise! It’s  Night of the Living Dead Christmas Trees!  / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

Surprise! It’s Night of the Living Dead Christmas Trees! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

Luckily, Joey not only brings home Snow in a Can — he and Monica save the day by buying up all of the dead trees and (yep, grotesquely) displaying them in Monica’s living room. The joy on Phoebe’s face is worth all of the work Monica’s going to be doing for months to vacuum up all those dead needles!

Look how happy Pheebs is! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

Look how happy Pheebs is! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara: A FRIENDS Podcast / @handbagmarinara

THE FEAR

Gunther’s retraining Rachel on her job duties, because she’s SUCH a bad waitress. When she complains to Chandler and Joey, they remind her that her dream was to work in fashion, and although she says she’s sending out good thoughts, she’s not doing much else to land a job in the field. Joey tells her that she needs The Fear — to quit her current job so she has the motivation to go for one that she really wants.

When Gunther points out to her that she still doesn’t know the difference between the regular and decaf coffee pots, that’s the last stirring straw — she hands in her week’s notice.

Rachel: Okay, fine. Gunther, y'know what, I am a terrible waitress, do you know why I’m a terrible waitress? Because, I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care which pot is regular and which pot is decaf, I don’t care where the tray spot is, I just don’t care, this is not what I want to do. So I don’t think I should do it anymore. I’m gonna give you my week’s notice.

Fast forward a few days, and Rachel’s definitely got The Fear. She's about to pummel Chandler when Joey comes in and asks her if she’s heard of Fortunata Fashions — his dad was doing a job down there and overheard they had an opening. Hooray! She got her lead!

She interviews, lands the job, and serves (what she thinks is) her last cup of coffee. Unfortunately, we immediately cut to her being trained on how her new boss likes his coffee…

OTHER STUFF WE TALKED ABOUT

Take Off Your Shirt Jell-O Shots

Take Off Your Shirt Jell-O Shots

Hanukkah Menoreo Martini

Hanukkah Menoreo Martini