S03 E05 - TOW Frank Jr.
aka TOW Isabella Rossellini
SIGNATURE BEVERAGE: ISABELLA ROSS BELLINI
Ross painstakingly composes his “freebie list” — a list of five celebrities you’re allowed to sleep with and your partner can’t get mad. He mulls over the possibilities — Elizabeth Hurley, Isabella Rossellini, Michelle Pfeiffer — and finally narrows it down to a list of five. He bumps Isabella off the list for Winona Ryder, after Chandler points out that he has to play the odds — he’s far more likely to run into Winona Ryder in New York than Isabella Rossellini.
Of course, we all know that doesn’t happen — he does run into Isabella, and when he flirts with her and insists that it’s okay that they’re talking, since she’s on his list, and she actually looks at the list, she sees that she’s not on it. In a cameo that goes down in history, Isabella Rossellini steals our hearts — and inspires our signature beverage: The Isabella Ross Bellini.
There isn’t much food in this episode, though we do see a pre-Atkins breakfast spread at Monica’s place: bagels, orange juice, fruit, etc. Also, at Central Perk, a patron orders a “half-caff, double-tall, easy hazelnut, non-fat, no-foam, with-whip, extra-hot latte — and Rachel calls him a freak. Little did she know that Starbucks would take over the world and this would be an easy order!
Rachel’s only noteworthy accessory this week is her panda-print apron (which served as a perfect segue to us talking about donating to the Ellen Fund!). Phoebe starts off in all brown (except for the orange suede shoes she wore in TOW the Jam), then changes into our favorite color when she dons a purple velvet burnout top. Monica looks cute in a green velvet skirt!
THE GUYS (AND FRANK JR.)
Joey’s Sergio Valente jeans are quite snug, but not as snug as some of the skinny jeans we’ve seen guys in in the 2010s! Chandler’s tie is like a particularly bloody scene from Game of Thrones, and Frank Jr. dons a Motorhead shirt and an Anthrax shirt.
JOEY BUILDS STUFF
Chandler comes home to see the apartment filled with wood, and a pair of Sergio Valente jeans filled with Joey. Joey’s building an entertainment unit! He runs out of beer and heads over to Monica’s to get some more, and while he’s there he channels his inner Contractor Man and points out her old and dingy floors. Monica gasps when Joey moves her hamper to show her what the tiles used to look like. And then he gouges a hole in the middle of the floor, so she demands that he fix it.
Later, Chandler can’t find Joey, and discovers it’s because he’s over at Monica’s working on her floor. They start fighting over who has to finish their project first. Eventually, he finishes both projects. Monica praises his tile work, saying it looks like the first bathroom floor there ever was.
His other project — the entertainment unit — didn’t turn out so well. Apparently he got some measurements wrong, because when the gang lifts it into place, it’s so wide that it partially blocks both of their bedroom doors.
FRANK JR MELTS STUFF
Frank Jr. comes to visit Phoebe, and they don’t get off to a great start. He’s kind of zoned out and doesn’t say or do much, and she has trouble finding things that they have in common. She asks him what he’s interested in, and he says he likes to melt stuff. Not much to go on!
Later, she vents to Monica that she wants to have a relationship with Frank Jr that’s like the one Monica has with Ross. Monica reminds Phoebe that they’re friends now, but that’s only after years and years of sibling rivalries and wedgies. Phoebe keeps trying, and eventually gets called into work — she tells Frank Jr that she has to go in to “do” one of her “regulars,” so of course he thinks she’s that kind of masseuse.
Frank Jr’s busted by the masseuse he tries to fondle, and Phoebe sarcastically comments that it’s a great way to top the perfect weekend they’ve had. However, Frank Jr takes it to heart and says in complete seriousness that it was the perfect weekend, and he ruined it. It’s pretty obvious that Frank Jr’s been neglected, and this weekend meant a lot to him. Phoebe’s heart melts and she announces that this is officially her favorite part of the weekend.
ROSS LAMINATES STUFF
Chandler mentions that Janice thinks David Copperfield is cute, and that he’s on her “freebie list” — a list of five celebrities you’re allowed to sleep with, and your partner can’t get mad. The gang daydreams about their own lists, but Ross says it’ll take some serious consideration.
He spends the rest of the episode painstakingly composing his list. He rattles off his preliminary list to Chandler, who critiques the choices. When Ross mentions Isabella Rossellini, Chandler criticizes her as being too international, saying that Ross should play the odds and pick someone more local.
In the end, Ross trades out Isabella Rossellini for Winona Ryder, and laminates his final list. The thing is, we closely examined the list that he holds up, and Isabella is on it!
But when he’s in the coffee shop later and THE Isabella Rossellini walks in, and Ross attempts to flirt with her and presents the list, it’s the actual list that Rachel read off earlier.
Isabella steals the rest of the show and cements herself as one of the best cameos in the show’s run. And Ross slinks off back to Rachel, ego bruised, but laminated list perfectly intact.