Elizabeth’s “I Swear to Do Better” Jar for Season 3 (through Episode 16):

$21

S03 E05 - TOW Frank Jr.

S03 E05 - TOW Frank Jr.

aka TOW Isabella Rossellini

OAD: 10/17/96

SIGNATURE BEVERAGE: ISABELLA ROSS BELLINI

The Isabella Ross Bellini — prosecco, limoncello, and ginger bitters / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

The Isabella Ross Bellini — prosecco, limoncello, and ginger bitters / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

Ross painstakingly composes his “freebie list” — a list of five celebrities you’re allowed to sleep with and your partner can’t get mad. He mulls over the possibilities — Elizabeth Hurley, Isabella Rossellini, Michelle Pfeiffer — and finally narrows it down to a list of five. He bumps Isabella off the list for Winona Ryder, after Chandler points out that he has to play the odds — he’s far more likely to run into Winona Ryder in New York than Isabella Rossellini.

Of course, we all know that doesn’t happen — he does run into Isabella, and when he flirts with her and insists that it’s okay that they’re talking, since she’s on his list, and she actually looks at the list, she sees that she’s not on it. In a cameo that goes down in history, Isabella Rossellini steals our hearts — and inspires our signature beverage: The Isabella Ross Bellini.

Go here to burst your bubbly and get the full recipe!

FOOD

There isn’t much food in this episode, though we do see a pre-Atkins breakfast spread at Monica’s place: bagels, orange juice, fruit, etc. Also, at Central Perk, a patron orders a “half-caff, double-tall, easy hazelnut, non-fat, no-foam, with-whip, extra-hot latte — and Rachel calls him a freak. Little did she know that Starbucks would take over the world and this would be an easy order!

FASHION

THE GIRLS

Rachel’s only noteworthy accessory this week is her panda-print apron (which served as a perfect segue to us talking about donating to the Ellen Fund!). Phoebe starts off in all brown (except for the orange suede shoes she wore in TOW the Jam), then changes into our favorite color when she dons a purple velvet burnout top. Monica looks cute in a green velvet skirt!

THE GUYS (AND FRANK JR.)

Joey’s Sergio Valente jeans are quite snug, but not as snug as some of the skinny jeans we’ve seen guys in in the 2010s! Chandler’s tie is like a particularly bloody scene from Game of Thrones, and Frank Jr. dons a Motorhead shirt and an Anthrax shirt.

FUN

JOEY BUILDS STUFF

Chandler falls over the second half of his door / NBC Universal / @handbagmarinara

Chandler falls over the second half of his door / NBC Universal / @handbagmarinara

Chandler comes home to see the apartment filled with wood, and a pair of Sergio Valente jeans filled with Joey. Joey’s building an entertainment unit! He runs out of beer and heads over to Monica’s to get some more, and while he’s there he channels his inner Contractor Man and points out her old and dingy floors. Monica gasps when Joey moves her hamper to show her what the tiles used to look like. And then he gouges a hole in the middle of the floor, so she demands that he fix it.

“You gouged a hole in my dingy floor!” / NBC Universal / @handbagmarinara

“You gouged a hole in my dingy floor!” / NBC Universal / @handbagmarinara

Later, Chandler can’t find Joey, and discovers it’s because he’s over at Monica’s working on her floor. They start fighting over who has to finish their project first. Eventually, he finishes both projects. Monica praises his tile work, saying it looks like the first bathroom floor there ever was.

His other project — the entertainment unit — didn’t turn out so well. Apparently he got some measurements wrong, because when the gang lifts it into place, it’s so wide that it partially blocks both of their bedroom doors.

“Wow. It’s big.” / NBC Universal / @handbagmarinara

“Wow. It’s big.” / NBC Universal / @handbagmarinara

FRANK JR MELTS STUFF

It’s Giovanni Ribisi! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

It’s Giovanni Ribisi! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

Frank Jr. comes to visit Phoebe, and they don’t get off to a great start. He’s kind of zoned out and doesn’t say or do much, and she has trouble finding things that they have in common. She asks him what he’s interested in, and he says he likes to melt stuff. Not much to go on!

Later, she vents to Monica that she wants to have a relationship with Frank Jr that’s like the one Monica has with Ross. Monica reminds Phoebe that they’re friends now, but that’s only after years and years of sibling rivalries and wedgies. Phoebe keeps trying, and eventually gets called into work — she tells Frank Jr that she has to go in to “do” one of her “regulars,” so of course he thinks she’s that kind of masseuse.

Frank Jr. gets busted — but check out the cool painted frames in the background! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

Frank Jr. gets busted — but check out the cool painted frames in the background! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

Frank Jr’s busted by the masseuse he tries to fondle, and Phoebe sarcastically comments that it’s a great way to top the perfect weekend they’ve had. However, Frank Jr takes it to heart and says in complete seriousness that it was the perfect weekend, and he ruined it. It’s pretty obvious that Frank Jr’s been neglected, and this weekend meant a lot to him. Phoebe’s heart melts and she announces that this is officially her favorite part of the weekend.

ROSS LAMINATES STUFF

It’s Isabella Rossellini! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

It’s Isabella Rossellini! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

Chandler mentions that Janice thinks David Copperfield is cute, and that he’s on her “freebie list” — a list of five celebrities you’re allowed to sleep with, and your partner can’t get mad. The gang daydreams about their own lists, but Ross says it’ll take some serious consideration.

He spends the rest of the episode painstakingly composing his list. He rattles off his preliminary list to Chandler, who critiques the choices. When Ross mentions Isabella Rossellini, Chandler criticizes her as being too international, saying that Ross should play the odds and pick someone more local.

In the end, Ross trades out Isabella Rossellini for Winona Ryder, and laminates his final list. The thing is, we closely examined the list that he holds up, and Isabella is on it!

Isabella IS on Ross’s laminated list! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

Isabella IS on Ross’s laminated list! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

But when he’s in the coffee shop later and THE Isabella Rossellini walks in, and Ross attempts to flirt with her and presents the list, it’s the actual list that Rachel read off earlier.

This is the list that Isabella reads off … so what happened?! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

This is the list that Isabella reads off … so what happened?! / NBC Universal / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

Isabella steals the rest of the show and cements herself as one of the best cameos in the show’s run. And Ross slinks off back to Rachel, ego bruised, but laminated list perfectly intact.

OTHER FUN STUFF WE MENTIONED

Here's Your Penis! (Spicy Lemonade)

Here's Your Penis! (Spicy Lemonade)

Isabella Ross Bellini

Isabella Ross Bellini