S03 E04 - TOW the Metaphorical Tunnel
aka, TOW Agent Phoebe, Woke Ben, and British Chandler
SIGNATURE BEVERAGE: FLINGIN’ FLANGIN’ MILKSHAKE
Chandler’s flingin’ flangin’ excited about Joey’s latest acting gig — hocking the MilkMaster 2000 in an infomercial. But then he’s not so excited when he freaks out about his level of commitment to Janice.
Monica and Rachel coach him through his relationship woes — aided by low-fat soy ice cream, then full-fat ice cream decadence.
These two plot points inspired our signature beverage: the Flingin’ Flangin’ Milkshake.
Get the full scoop of ice cream here! We made two different versions — depending on how much you get screwed over, you can go low-fat or full-fat!
Dairy. The entire episode revolves around dairy.
First, we’ve got the MilkMaster 2000 that Joey’s selling alongside an infomercial host who borrowed a sweater from Dr. Huxtable. Rachel even uses one of the gadgets later in the episode. Then, we’ve got two kinds of ice cream. Technically, one of them is dairy-free, but just go along with it. The non-fat, low-cal soy version is what the girls give Chandler to eat when he first hits a speed bump with his relationship with Janice. When it looks like he’s truly in peril, they go for the full-fat Good Stuff. And then when the tables turn, the girls end up diving into it!
In other food news, we’ve got squash in the fruit bowl (and yes, it’s technically a fruit) and Ross eating Terra chips, and Chandler and Janice enjoy a pasta dinner on top of the foosball table. And if they hadn’t fought about Chandler’s relationship antics, we’re certain they would’ve gone at it because the salad dressing was forced to mix with the pasta sauce. FOR SHAME!
We love the heart sweater that Rachel wears at the beginning of the episode, as well as the green plaid pants she wears mid-way through. However, the Celtic life preserver graphic she’s got going on on that t-shirt leaves something to be desired. But of course, on her, it works. She finishes out the episode in a classic v-neck and plaid skirt.
Monica starts off in a sexy red look, then follows up with a couple of decidedly non-sexy looks, then rounds out the episode looking fit, tailored, and way too hot to be comforting Chandler about his relationship woes.
Phoebe starts off well, in a purple outfit (including a purple burn-out shirt), but then things get way too brown. Just. Too brown. At least we have that hot blonde guy to look at in the first picture!
We’ve got Chandler wearing a Guggenheim shirt, and then looking British and ready for a party in a suit and high-collar shirt, and Janice is back to her usual antics — flowery, bright, graphic, and loud. Just like her! We also have Susan in the “Girls” graphic shirt we see several times throughout the series.
CHANDLER ENTERS THE METAPHORICAL TUNNEL
Chandler and Janice are doing well — even practically bunny-bumping against Monica’s back with their PDA — but then Chandler freaks out after they go out to dinner:
“When the meals came, she put half of her chicken piccata on my plate and took all of my tomatoes.”
Oh no! Poor Chandler! The girls try to calm him down, insisting (Not on Netflix) that all she was doing was sharing her chicken — not Scary Chicken. Chandler says he doesn’t want to be the guy who runs away from commitment, he wants to go into the tunnel and to the other side. And we have our first metaphorical tunnel of the episode!
He invites Janice over for atop-the-foosball-table dinner, and he gives her … a roll of contact paper.
“You never really know what to say when someone you’re sleeping with gives you contact paper.”
But then he says it’s to line her very own drawer in his dresser. She loves the gift and, excited, Chandler goes off the deep end and says they should take a trip together … and he wants to meet her parents … he wants to take a trip with her parents! Then it’s Janice’s turn to freak out, and Chandler’s turn to run after her down the street.
Monica and Rachel comfort Chandler with soy ice cream:
“When you start getting screwed over all the time, you gotta switch to low fat.”
They give him advice — he needs to accidentally run into her on purpose, and act aloof. He follows through by intercepting her at her grocery store, looking amazing. He tries to say that he’s going to a party in the area, but Janice sees through the ruse. He runs back to Monica and Rachel, who tell him:
“We told you to be aloof, not a doof!”
They’re convinced that the relationship is over, and say that it’s time for the good ice cream. But then Janice calls, and they inexplicably make up, so the only people who end up eating the ice cream are a confused Monica and Rachel.
Monica even tops hers off with chocolate syrup. However, making fun of Ross (or should we say, “Bee”) makes her feel better before the credits roll.
PHOEBE PRETENDS TO DRIVE INTO A FAKE TUNNEL
Joey misses an audition and is mad at Chandler — until it turns out that Phoebe’s the one who didn’t give Joey the message. Phoebe wants to make things right, so she calls the audition and pretends to be another agent and gets him another audition. Ecstatic, Joey asks if she can get him some other auditions.
A day or so later, Joey gets the part! He thinks Phoebe is his good luck charm. On the phone with the other casting agent, Phoebe pretends to go through a tunnel in order to “lose the call” she had on her “car phone.” Our second metaphorical tunnel of the episode!
Phoebe tries to avoid Joey for the rest of the episode, though, because she doesn’t want to be the bearer of bad news and make Joey’s face look sad. She tries to quit, but Joey says she’s the best agent he ever had. She says she’ll still do it, because he likes the feedback.
Unfortunately, there is such a thing as too much feedback. Joey eventually decides to go back to Estelle, because even though she’s not as good at getting him into auditions, at least he doesn’t want to kill himself.
WE WANT TO THROW ROSS INTO A TUNNEL
What the hell, Ross? What’s so bad about Ben having a Barbie?? Well, apparently this is the worst thing ever, according to Ross (which makes no sense, because hello, he isn’t exactly a man’s man). So he spends the entire episode trying to get Ben to drop the Barbie in favor of a Dino-Soldier or a G.I. Joe.
He even engages in some role playing and runs slo-mo out of the apartment to try to get Ben excited about it. At the end of the episode, when Carol and Susan come to pick up Ben, Ross insists that Ben chose the G.I. Joe himself. But we agree with Susan — he probably had to dip the action figure in sugar to get him to choose it.
Monica throws him under the bus by reminding him that he used to dress up like a woman and make everyone call him “Bee.” He even had a song:
I am Bee.
I drink tea.
Won’t you dance around with me?