Elizabeth’s “I Swear to Do Better” Jar for Season 3 (through Episode 16):

$21

S03 E02 - TOW No One's Ready

S03 E02 - TOW No One's Ready

aka TOW Phoebe Gets the Hummus

OAD: 09/26/96

SIGNATURE BEVERAGE: DRINK THE FAT

The Drink the Fat cocktail | Handbag Marinara | @handbagmarinara

The Drink the Fat cocktail | Handbag Marinara | @handbagmarinara

We had two basic choices for cocktail themes: a glass of chicken fat or red pepper hummus and crackers.

Heather was up for a hummus martini, but Elizabeth … not so much. Instead, we opted to “drink the fat.” We looked up layered cocktails that we thought would mimic the layers of, well, fat in Monica’s glass of chicken fat. The B-52 is the most classic layered drink — shot, actually — that we found. It calls for Kahlua, Bailey’s, and Grand Marnier.

Neither of us had Grand Marnier on hand, so Elizabeth started playing around with the contents of her liquor cabinet…

Get all of the “fats” here!

FOOD

Joey eating hummus /  Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

Joey eating hummus / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

Hummus plays a crucial role in this episode, eventually leading to Phoebe being “political” and supporting Christmas.

As you of course know, chicken fat also plays an important part in reminding Ross and Rachel that they love each other. No, Ross, it is not just a vanilla milkshake—it’s far from that!

Fruit Bowl Watch: Lemon, limes, and pears

FASHION

Since everyone wears pretty much one thing for the entire episode, let’s talk about everyone all at once! (Hey, they had a bottle episode, we can have a bottle post, right?) Ross is the first one who’s ready, and looks dashing in a classic tux. Phoebe’s the next, dolled up in a yellow dress that’s strangely see-through — even wearing a tank-top-type bra underneath didn’t stop the nubbins from coming out!

Rachel can’t decide what to wear, (thankfully) nixing a rather matronly and heavy-looking skirt/blazer combo. When she and Ross have a fight, she slips into some sweats for a few minutes (though Ross is the one who ends up sweating it out). She finishes out the episode in a gorgeous mint/sage green dress with a sexy slit. Oh, and she’s going commando, too.

Does Joey’s lunging outfit count as fashion? Sure!

Monica wins the episode in a red dress with a plunging keyhole neckline. The sleeveless look shows off her toned arms, too. Monica, you may not be remotely breezy, but your outfit sure is!

FUN

Pictures of Ben on Monica’s fridge / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

Pictures of Ben on Monica’s fridge / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

We did a bottled Fashion segment, so let’s keep the bottle fun rolling with a bottled Fun segment! Ross is speaking at a museum benefit, and the whole gang is going. But no one’s ready. Monica’s stressing out about a voicemail from Richard, Phoebe gets the hummus and there’s a huge stain on her dress, Rachel can’t figure out what to wear and is trying Ross’s patience, and Chandler and Joey are acting like children and fighting over Monica’s fluffy armchair.

And in the midst of this, did you happen to see all of the pictures of Ben that Monica has around the apartment? They’re all over the fridge, and she’s got some framed photos on the end tables. She’s a very proud aunt!

Chandler and Joey fighting over Monica’s chair / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

Chandler and Joey fighting over Monica’s chair / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

So let’s talk about Chandler and Joey fighting over the chair. Chandler was there first, then he went into the bathroom to … ahem … read Cosmopolitan and discover that he does put career before men, then Joey won’t get out of the chair, and the whole thing devolves into a moronic display of immaturity culminating in an iconic moment: Joey wearing every piece of clothing that Chandler Bing owns. They eventually get their act together and are ready in time for the gala.

Oh, and here’s a little bit of fun trivia for you — you know when they both run and dive for the chair at the same time, and Joey makes it there first? That’s how Matt LeBlanc injured his shoulder in real life — and why they had to invent the “jumping on the bed” scenario to explain why he had to wear a sling for the next couple episodes! He even wore a blinged-out sling to the Emmys that year!

Matt LeBlanc wearing a blingy sling to the 1996 Emmys / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

Matt LeBlanc wearing a blingy sling to the 1996 Emmys / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

Ross throwing Rachel’s shoes during their fight / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

Ross throwing Rachel’s shoes during their fight / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

Rachel’s having a really hard time figuring out what to wear, and add into that that she has to help Phoebe find something when she gets splattered with Joey’s red pepper hummus, and she’s even more delayed. Eventually Ross LOSES it and yells at her, throws her shoes, and humiliates her in front of everyone. We applaud her reaction: She calmly changes into jammies and says she’s going to “catch up on her correspondence” instead of going to the gala.

Yes, Rachel. You are awesome. Way to stand up for yourself. Fast forward to Ross almost drinking chicken fat, and all is well once again (right in the nick of 30-minute network sitcom time!)

“You were gonna drink the fat!” / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

“You were gonna drink the fat!” / Handbag Marinara / @handbagmarinara

Finally, Monica’s having a really rough time — she overhears a (probably old) voicemail from Richard, and she goes into a spiraling panic. Is the message old or new? OLD OR NEW?! She decides to leave him a “breezy” message asking about it, but she’s anything but breezy, because she says she’s being breezy, which negates the breezy!! She hacks into his answering machine and tries to rectify the situation, but only makes it worse. Poor Monica. At least you look effing AMAZING in your red dress!

Bourbon Jamble

Bourbon Jamble

Drink the Fat

Drink the Fat