Elizabeth’s “I Swear to Do Better” Jar for Season 3 (through Episode 16):


S02 E07 - TOW Ross Finds Out

S02 E07 - TOW Ross Finds Out

aka TOW No One Actually Has Closure

OAD: 11/09/95


Rachel wanted it — she tried her best to get it — but it slipped right out of her reach. Lucky for you, all you have to do is reach for your cocktail shaker in order to get the Closure we’re serving up this week!

This is an actual cocktail (verified by two similar recipes with the same name we found on the good ole’ internet). It’s super-sweet and desserty, with equal parts of dark chocolate liqueur, coffee liqueur, hazelnut liqueur, and butterscotch schnapps. And if that weren’t rich enough, you shake it up with some half-and-half (or almond milk, as we’ve suggested).

Closure is sweet indeed!



Monica’s served up a big plate of chocolate chip cookies and glasses of milk at the start of the episode. Maybe that’s why Chandler’s feeling so fat?

And giving Joey a Tupperware full of them wasn’t the smartest move on Monica’s part, considering that she’s trying to help Chandler lose weight (WTF is that about, anyway? — more on that later). Phoebe snacks on some later in the episode, apparently to comfort herself about being duped by a douchebag.


We’ve also got a fully loaded dessert cart at the restaurant for Rachel’s blind date. Petit fours, cakes, and — is that a Prinsesstaårta hanging out on the bottom shelf?!

Elizabeth saw this on the Great British Baking Show and has wanted to make one ever since. It’s pretty darn labor-intensive, so she’s still gathering up the courage to give it a try.

The GBBS one looks pretty much like the one on the dessert cart, although the jam layer in the FRIENDS episode is comparatively huge. Maybe jam-loving Joey made it?



The Monochromaticization of Rachel continues: Aside from a flash of red in her memorable jammy pants from an even more memorable scene, Rachel’s decked out in black and white for the whole episode.

At the restaurant for her blind date with Michael, she’s got her hair pinned up. In between scenes — when she’s presumably drunk a whole bottle of wine — her hair gets messy. In a close-up shot, we see that she’s got triple earrings in her left ear. Rachel’s hard core!


Monica’s in green! Dark green, but it’s green! We’ll take it. She’s once again sporting a bright red lip, which offsets the deep emerald/forest green quite nicely. She bares her midriff when she’s working out with Chandler, and in the final scene looks almost nap-ready in a jammy-like white top.


We love Phoebe’s tropical look at the beginning of the episode, but we’re not crazy about the big sweater she wears later on, with huge buttons. Did she raid Grandma’s closet again? She closes out the episode in what we think is a repeat of the Asian jacket we originally saw a few episodes ago in TOW Heckles Dies.


Chandler’s wearing an oversized sweater, and we’re supposed to think that means he’s fat. Okay… He starts off in stretchy spandex shorts when he’s working out with Monica, but when she balks at them, he skips back inside to change.

Poor Chandler is NOT feeling good about himself in this episode!


How cute is this pink wrap coat Julie’s wearing?!

It’s a great look for her, and emphasizes that she’s … well, normal. She’s cute and delicate, yet modern and stylish. Nice job, Julie!



Ross and Julie have decided to get a cat. Ross wants Fluffy Meowington’s cat toys — hey wait, maybe that’s the cat that was pictured on Monica’s fridge!

And until we meet Mrs. Whiskerson in Season 5, this is the cutest cat name on the show.

“And you two, have a really nice cat.”

Rachel is not handling this very well. She tries to distract herself with a blind date Monica set her up on, but to no avail. She spends the entire time talking about Ross and Julie and their future cat — so much so that Michael ends up making puppets with his napkin and playing the movie Diner in his head.

“Closure. That’s what it is! That’s what I need!”

Yeah, Rach. That’s what you need. She borrows a very old-looking cell phone from a neighboring restaurant patron and leaves Ross The Message:

I am over YOU. And THAT my friend, is what they call cuh-losure.”

Elizabeth has done this. She does not recommend it.

The next morning, we get another iconic Ross and Rachel scene, when Ross checks his messages and gets the message from Rachel from the night before. There’s running. There’s piggybacking. There’s yet another phone thrown around.


And there’s some excellent acting on the part of David Schwimmer and Jennifer Aniston. Their facial expressions speak 1,000 words.

“You’re over me? When… when were you under me?”

Ross is in shock. He wants to know how she found out. She tells him it was Chandler. His response:

“When did he? When did he? When did he?”

There’s no closure. Ross goes off to get a cat with Julie, leaving Rachel behind with unanswered questions and a massive hangover. The cat shopping doesn’t go well, and Ross shows up at Central Perk after they’re closed and picks a fight with Rachel.

Then we get The Scene — the first Ross and Rachel kiss. It’s epic. It’s wonderful. It’s so cheesy.

It’s perfect.



Okay. In what universe is Chandler actually fat in this episode? This episode is Eating Disorder Central — there’s way too much focus on weight. They’re all so skinny to begin with, and then they all notice that one of them (imaginarily, only for plot line purposes) gains maybe five pounds? Not cool.

“Chandler, I’m unemployed and in dire need of a project. Wanna workout? I can remake you.”

“Okay, but if we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I’m going home.”

Chandler throws Monica a bone and agrees to work out with her. Turns out, this was a very bad idea, because she’s a workout Nazi. She runs him half to death. She has him doing very unhealthy crunches. Try the McGill curl-up instead (it’s recommended by Elizabeth’s physical therapist who is an all-around fabulous guy).

“She’s got me doing butt clenches at my desk… They won’t bring me my mail anymore”

Eventually, he’s had enough, and uses a disgustingly manipulative technique to bring Monica’s energy down: pointing out everything wrong with her life. Way to be a jack-ass, Chandler.


Now … in what universe is Phoebe Buffay not sexy? Phoebe’s been on a few dates, and the guy hasn’t made The Move yet. So instead of wondering what’s wrong with him, she immediately thinks that she isn’t hot enough.

Way to promote poor self image, writers.

Joey tries to cheer her up:

“When I first met you, you know what I first said to Chandler? Excellent butt, nice rack.”

“Really? So sweet! I mean I’m officially offended, but so sweet.”

She reports back toward the end of the episode, saying that she was able to convince the guy to sleep with her by telling him that sex didn’t have to be that big of a deal and could just be about two people in the moment.

“He got you to beg to sleep with him? He got you to say he never has to call you again? And he got you thinking this is a great idea? This man is my God!”

Poor Pheebs.



Rachel loses her necklace! Heather’s eagle eye spotted this little inconsistency. The pretty necklace Rachel was wearing at the beginning of the first Central Perk scene ends up swinging off of her tray by the end of the scene.

This begs the question: Why didn’t they say “cut” and reset with a fixed necklace? Jennifer Aniston expertly continued along with the scene after her necklace broke, first gathering it into the palm of her hand and then placing it onto the tray she was carrying.

Why didn’t she alert people as to what was going on? Perhaps the grueling shooting schedule couldn’t absorb such a continuity pause?


  • Chandler saying that he’s all Monica has while she’s unemployed, so he’s thinking they could all pitch in and buy her a restaurant.

  • Michael asking Rachel, “Do you want a piece of pie?” when she’s so upset about Ross and Julie and their cat. She replies, “No, it’s too late for that! … I just wanna get over him, how do I do that?”

  • The ENTIRE cat shelter scene! Yes, on the DVD version, you get to see the cat shelter that Ross and Julie visit, complete with cute cats!

  • “Do you have any cats who are incredibly old or sick?”

  • “Both cats are… are beautiful. And funny. I’m sure I would be happy with either cat.”

  • “I can’t have two cats. Joey’s the kind of guy that can have two cats.”

Mockolate Martini

Mockolate Martini