Elizabeth’s “I Swear to Do Better” Jar for Season 3 (through Episode 13):


S02 E03 - TOW Heckles Dies

S02 E03 - TOW Heckles Dies

aka TOW Death and Donuts

OAD: 10/5/95



Heather’s the only one drinking this week—Elizabeth threw her back out, so her martini glass is full of opiates and Advil. Because donuts (or their boxes) show up several times in this episode, Heather found a recipe for a chocolate donut martini online, and tweaked it a bit based on what she had on hand (and her personal preferences).


1 Tbsp melted dark chocolate (for decorating the glass)

1/4 cup Amarula liqueur

1/8 cup Godiva dark chocolate liqueur

Dash of salted caramel vodka

1 tsp honey

1.5 Tbsp grated white and dark chocolate (for garnish)

1 donut

Drizzle the melted chocolate over your martini glass. Combine the Amarula, Godiva, vodka, and honey in a martini glass with ice and shake vigorously. Strain into the chocolate-drizzled martini glass and garnish with grated chocolate. Garnish further with the donut.


  • Donuts! Treeger’s eating a glazed chocolate cake donut with his coffee, there are a couple of Entenmann’s boxes on top of the fridge, and even a quick shot of a Dunkin’ Donuts box in Heckles’ apartment!

  • The gang’s enjoying beer and chips while they play poker and then discuss Chandler’s reasons for breaking up with women.

  • Joey makes himself a giant hoagie while he imitates Janice canoodling with Chandler.

  • Phoebe waxes poetic about evolution, gravity, and other “theories” while enjoying a brunch spread consisting of muffins, bagels, coffee, and orange juice.


Phoebe wins the show! She’s looking fantastically quirky for this whole episode. Rachel’s a close second, with her spaghetti-strap dress that you could totally see people wearing these days and curve-hugging denim bodysuit.


Rachel starts things off in a casual spaghetti-strap dress that you’d totally see people wearing today. She pairs it with white sneakers, too. She also wears a fun flower Y-necklace. Later on, we have a couple of Nubbin Alerts: first, when she’s wearing a curve-emphasizing waffle-print Henley with a zip front, and later on when she’s wearing a form-fitting denim button-down sleeveless vest-ish looking number.



The only notable Monica outfit from this episode is her casual jeans-and-sweater combo. Her classic 90s button-up jeans are accompanied by a cardigan that’s got both the top and bottom buttons undone. Still rather matronly, but at least it isn’t completely buttoned up. For Monica, this is progress


Pheebs has some AMAZING looks in this episode! Her quirky side is definitely coming out. She starts off rather tamely, in a purple sleeveless sweater and feminine floral skirt. Next, she kick up the quirk with a comic-book print shirt. We LOVE this look, and it reminds us of a memorable Dior dress Carrie wore on Sex and the City.

She picks out a funky purple argyle shirt from the depths of the piles of crap in Heckle’s apartment — we’re pretty sure we see her wear it later in the series, but we can’t remember which episode! Be on the lookout!

She continues with the purple theme all the way through to the end of the episode, when she wears a cute purple and white polka dot dress with a ruffled bottom. She pairs it with a sheer white top and then adds an Asian dragon jacket on top.


How do we live in a world where Ross wears not one, but TWO Colonel Sanders suits? The first one is right here — a light-colored seersucker suit with a robin’s egg blue dress shirt and tie. We see a similar suit on Ross in Season 3 in TOW a Chick and a Duck, when Ross is supposed to be on the Discovery Channel.



“You’re disturbing my birds.”

“You don’t have birds.”

“I could have birds.”

Heckles interrupts the gang’s latest hang-out session by claiming that they’re disturbing his birds. A few minutes later, he’s dead, and the “noisy girls” have inherited all of his earthly possessions.

They all convene in Heckles’ apartment, and lo and behold, there are BIRDS. Ross uses them to try to demonstrate how evolution works to a disbelieving Phoebe. HECKLES HAD BIRDS. Now where is the dinner party he claimed he was getting back to?

Other notable finds in Heckles’ apartment:

  • Magnifying stand (Joey snatches that up real fast)

  • “My Big Book of Grievances” — this launches Chandler into his Heckles-stential crisis

  • Gaudy seashell lamp — the lamp that launched 1,000 tears when Monica “accidentally” broke it

“Did I tell you I was allergic to shellfish?”

“Well you’ll just have to eat the other lamps.”

  • Opposable thumb toys! Do you remember those? They were awesome! And you can still get them on Amazon!

CHANDLER’S heckles-stential crisis

Everyone’s giving Chandler a hard time for breaking up with a girl for a stupid reason, and when he brings up Janice — claiming that he broke up with her for good reasons — we’re treated to several uncanny impressions of Janice. Most notably, Joey does a very … personal impression of her.

Down in Heckles’ apartment, Chandler discovers the late neighbor’s “Big Book of Grievances,” and that, combined with some old photos he found, cause Chandler to think he’s similar to Heckles and is destined to end up like him, stopping at life’s train stations, like Bitter Town, Aloneville, and Hermit Junction. He desperately calls Janice as a back-up, but alas, she’s married and pregnant.

“Run away from Crazy Snake Man, they’ll shout!”

After panicking when Janice is unavailable and ranting about how he’ll need a “thing” that makes him weird and crazy like Heckles, the girls calm him down enough that he’s willing to go on a date with a coworker that, up until this point, he’s written off because her head is too big. The very end of the episode leaves us with Chandler’s inner monologue while on that date:

“Nice smile, good dresser, big head big head big head!”


Pheebs shows off her quirky side in this episode! She blows Ross’s mind by declaring that she doesn’t believe in evolution.

“Monkeys, Darwin, it’s a nice story, you know, I just think it’s a little too easy.”

When what turns out to be Heckles’ lawyer knocks on the girls’ door right after Phoebe says to Ross, “Don’t get me started on gravity,” we’re treated to one of our favorite Chandler quotes:

“Uh oh, it’s Isaac Newton and he’s pissed.”

Ross and Phoebe fight about evolution for the rest of the episode, until Phoebe plays the ace up her sleeve: She reminds Ross that at various points in history, the greatest minds have been convinced of something that turns out to be wrong (e.g., the earth being flat). She finally gets Ross to admit that “there might be a teeny … tiny … possibility” that the theory of evolution isn’t true, at which point she accuses him of caving. David Schwimmer does some great physical comedy next, when he clutches his briefcase of facts to his chest and leaves the apartment, defeated.



We know, this is random (we’re channeling our inner Phoebe), but did you notice the spherical candle on the end table in Monica’s living room? Those candles were EVERYWHERE in the 90s — we had candles just like it!

We got them at places like Spencer’s (back when it was called Spencer’s Gifts) and random beachside gift shops. So retro!


  • During the gravity discussion: Chandler: ”Quick, Pheebs, hop on the ceiling.”

  • Ross explaining that it’s science “1 + 1 = 2. I can’t have you walking around thinking that 1 + 1 is 3, or 4, or yellow.”

  • Girls talking about why guys dumped them -- Rachel: because the guy’s cat didn’t like her, Phoebe because she fell asleep during This Is Spinal Tap, Monica’s guy in high school because she was too fat (but he told her it was because he didn’t have time to date her because of the play)

S02 E04 - TOW Phoebe's Husband

S02 E04 - TOW Phoebe's Husband

S02 E02 - TOW the Breast Milk

S02 E02 - TOW the Breast Milk